Worm Toss

Played volleyball tonight. Went to the Great Dane Downtown Madison and hung out, got to know some new players and got to hang out with some old friends. It was a pleasant evening. Got home and had to move my car into the garage…

I walked out to my car. On the driveway, in the dark and the fog, was a long worm situated directly in the path my car would take to the garage. Now, this may be the two pitchers of ESB talking, but I had to move this worm out of the way. Not moving it would leave it on the driveway to be crushed under my wheels. I went to pick it up, and of course, being a worm, it was slimy and wriggly and agitated that I was trying to grab it. After two or three tries I got a firm grip and tossed it onto the lawn.

Just after I tossed the worm onto the lawn, I stood there and remembered an interaction the Goody Reverend Mueller and I had some time ago. I had done something to control Hondo, and The Goody Reverend Mueller had said something like, “It’s all about the control…” This innocuous statement by the Rev lead to a minor rant from me that basically stated A) I’m smarter than Hondo and can see cause and effect better then he (like I can see a car coming down the road where Hondo may only see the rabbit he wants to get directly across the street) and B) if I don’t intercede and control Hondo then sooner or later his lack of foresight will kill him (again, the road). C) It is not unethical to use this foresight to control Hondo and to make him safer by it.

This lead me to question my foresight, my own decisions, and to wonder, briefly, if I can trust my own judgment right now; or should I trust the advice of others. Not right now, having had a few beers, standing in my driveway in the night and this luminous, streetlit fog. But, right now, not sleeping, eating sporadically (I’ve lost a little weight), depressed-ish. I will think about this, and I suppose, knowing myself as I do, I’ll keep whatever answer I come to to myself.